The beginning

For anyone reading this, know that it's not easy.  I considered making it private just for my own use, but then I wondered what was the point?  I'm going to try to be brutally honest with myself, and everyone else, during this.  So, I may share things that are hard for me to admit to anyone, let alone tell everyone.  I only ask that you respect that.

Things I know:
1. Public humiliation is a motivator and one that I need from time to time.
2. I need to lose a significant amount of weight.

Thus, it would be assumed that a motivator I need to help me lose weight is to make sure that lots of people know I'm trying to do it.  Not so much for the positive encouragement, which is nice, but for the fear of the humiliation.  I have done Weight Watchers around half a dozen times and I know that it works (I just have a tendency to lose my focus after a few months).  And, for me, part of that success is because when I go to check in each week, I know that at least one other person is going to know how I did. 

I am starting this blog so that everyone I know can help hold me accountable.  If I'm out to dinner with someone and they don't know that I'm trying to lose weight, it's easier for me to make an unhealthier choice because I know that person won't question it.  However, if I tell the world, I will be a lot more self-conscious about my choices, and hopefully that will help with my success.  So, people of the world reading this, I NEED YOUR HELP.  When you talk to me, ask me how it's going.  When you read these updates, leave a comment and let me know that I'm not just rambling to myself. Let me know that someone is out there watching over me so that I can have the willpower to keep this going.

So here's my beginning.  I weighed myself in my apartment before leaving to go visit the family over winter break.  It wasn't pretty, but I was used to it.  Then a few things happened while I was at home.  First, aside from what food was for/leftover from Christmas Eve, Mom and Dad didn't keep a whole lot of ready-made food in the house, their meal schedule is a little different from mine, and I got to sleep in.  What do these things add up to?  I just flat out didn't eat as much.  Living and working on campus, ready-made food is only a quick swipe of the ID card away.  Chips, candy, pop, pizza, burgers, etc. are all just as close and easy to get as the fruits and veggies I should have been eating.  But, the not-so-good-for-you foods seem a lot less appetizing when you have to prepare them yourself!  So, while I wasn't necessarily trying to lose weight over the holidays, I defied the odds and actually lost about 4 pounds when most people gain weight.

The other big things that happened over break: family photos and a couple of wake-up calls.  I don't so much enjoy having my picture taken in the first place, but it's hard to avoid the camera at Christmas.  You know you need to change something when the first thing you think when you see that a picture of you is tagged on Facebook is, "oh dear, I hope I don't look too big".  Then, at the risk of making a few people feel bad (and that is not my intention, just putting it all out there), two people who I love dearly made some unintentionally hurtful comments to me while I was at home.  I won't say who they are or what they said, because I don't want to embarrass them.  And, I know that when the words came out of their mouths, they didn't mean it the way that I took it.  Regardless, it stung.  And it made me take a little harder look at my lifestyle.  So, after a lot of contemplation and a few tears, I decided that enough was enough and I needed to get my life back together.

I decided that I was going to start upon my return after the new year, but I made it quite clear to myself that this was NOT a New Years Resolution...this was a LIFETIME Resolution.  When I got back to my apartment, I cleaned out my refrigerator and my cabinets.  I threw out all the half-open bags of chips and various other bad-for-you snacks.  I went to the store and bought a few healthier snacks and lots of fruits and veggies.  I made a giant pot of vegetable soup and froze most of it for those late nights when I need something quick and already cooked for dinner because I've been at the office all day.  Then I looked up my local Weight Watchers center and decided which meeting I would be attending.

I started last Monday (Jan. 9).  That afternoon I went onto the Weight Watchers website and signed up there, completed the registration materials and paid for my monthly pass so that I could bypass all that paperwork when I got to the meeting center.  Approximately 15 minutes after I'd finished, one of my lovely students came bringing me in a box of homemade cookies.  I graciously accepted them and thanked her for her thoughtfulness, but I didn't eat them. Thankfully, I resisted the temptation to scarf them down and just put them where I couldn't see them anymore.   (Yay me!  Instead, I've slowly been pawning them off on other people.) After work, I packed up my stuff and headed out to my first session. 

Weighing in for the first time is scary...what if my scale at home is wrong and I weigh more than I thought?  What if the woman checking me in is judging me for my weight?  Then you stop and remember, they shouldn't because they've been there before.  One of the things I like most about Weight Watchers is that everyone who works there has been successful on the program, even the receptionists.  They know what it's like to be in your shoes.  So, I stepped on the scale and breathed a small sigh of relief...almost the same as my scale at home.  I made my first goal of losing 5% of my body weight, then I gathered my new materials and headed in for the meeting.  The woman who runs this session is a different one than I've had before at this center.  I kinda like her.  She makes it a point to call people by their name when you raise your hand to answer a question or share a story.  (It's not like AA where you have to stand up and say, "Hi, I'm Elizabeth and I'm addicted to food," but sometimes people share tips or things that they like to do to get more activity in, make the best of their meal points, etc.)  She never tells you that you're wrong or that you can't eat something, it's all about checks and balances.  I can eat that piece of cheesecake...if I've gotten in all my suggested fruits and vegetables and I have enough points for it.  Once when I did Weight Watchers a few years ago there was a woman who ate two DQ Blizzards one week and still lost weight.  It's possible.  You just have to manage the rest of what you eat.  Is that small Blizzard worth giving up having steak for dinner?  Is it worth cutting each of your meals that day in half?  If so, go for it.  Back to my original story, though, I like this lady.  She doesn't act like she knows more than you do and she gets genuinely excited if you share something new that she hasn't tried before.  So, after the meeting I decided it was a good one to stick with and I bought some tasty Weight Watcher snacks and called it a day.  Then I went to 5 Guys to eat my last Cheeseburger for a while.  Seriously. 

I started counting points the next day (like you're supposed to).  The program has changed a little since the last time I did it, but not by much.  The most exciting part is that almost all fruits and veggies are 0 points!  I can eat them until my stomach is content...literally.  As long as I'm not getting stuffed on them and paying attention to when I'm actually still hungry, I can eat them.  You do have to be careful of the tricky ones that sneak up on you, though, with their points.  But, anyway, in this week I've found two great things.  One, the Weight Watchers app for my phone is AWESOME.  No more carrying around paper points trackers - with the click of a button I can find out how many points I've just consumed, or earned by exercise, and enter them right away.  Plus, it connects to my online WW account, so at any time I can pull up my progress and milestones to see.  Second, Food Services posts all of the menus and their nutrition facts on their website.  Well, I technically already knew this, but this is the first time I've actually really used it.  I go onto their site before going to get food and see what they have today.  Then I can use my handy dandy WW app to figure out the points and decide what I'm going to eat before I even leave my office.  Makes it so much easier to make decisions on what to eat when you're only looking at the numbers and don't have the tasty looking food right in front of you.

My first week went pretty well.  I was feeling a little overwhelmed by the number of points I had to eat in a day, honestly.  I know that a larger body takes more to keep it functioning, but really I felt like I was eating all the time.  Granted I was eating lots and lots of veggies, but I still felt like I was eating every hour.  In any case, it wasn't too hard and I wasn't super tempted to eat unhealthy foods.  However, work was a little crazy (as the beginning of the semester always is) and I didn't get to exercise at all.  I was a little anxious to see how my first week went on the scale.  This past Monday (Jan. 15) I went back for my first mid-diet weigh in.  The good news is, I lost 2.6 pounds!  The meeting was, again, enjoyable, but, someone mentioned Chipotle...a weakness of mine, I must admit.  I hadn't had dinner, I had plenty of points left for the week, so I decided to go after the meeting.  I was pleasantly surprised to find I felt full faster than I used to.  A definite good change to notice! 

That night I decided to start exercising, so I popped in my Dancing with the Stars workout DVD.  Note to self, don't ever again work out after eating Mexican.  Period.  I waited like two hours after I ate and it was still a major mistake!  Anyway, the dvd was a really good workout.  I slightly hated the dancers by the time it was done, but that just means it was good, right??  (btw, the Jive is BRUTAL)  I slept super well that night, too.  Tuesday night I did the dvd again and it was slightly, though not much, easier.  I woke up Wednesday feeling really good.  The previous two nights I'd slept better than I had in quite a while and I honestly felt rested and didn't have to hit the snooze button several times before waking up.  But, Wednesday and Thursday both brought late meetings so I didn't get a chance to workout then.  This week hasn't been quite as easy as last week was, I've felt tempted a few times, but I think I've made some good choices.  Remembering to track what I eat is not my strong point, but I'm good at remembering it and keeping track in my head.  I really need to work on actually writing it down, though.  The more weight I lose, my points will go down and getting in the habit of tracking now will make things easier then when I don't have as much freedom with my points.

Well, that brings us to today.  I was reading some tips from a woman who lost 115 pounds.  One of the things she said that she did was told everyone that she was dieting.  Similar to me, she needed the help of others keeping her accountable, so she made sure to tell everyone she could.  I decided that was a good idea and that I was going to do it too.  I'd already told my mom and sister and a few people that I work with, but I needed to expand that.  At the risk of current public humiliation, I am going to commit the unthinkable in the eyes of womanhood.  After my meetings every Monday, I am going to tell you all how much I weigh.  Yes, it will be embarrassing to admit it to the world.  But, it will also feel good to show everyone how I'm doing.  And if I slip up, then people will know and it will be even more embarrassing.  So, as I bring my very first (and very long) confessional to a close, I give you my initial weights. *Deep breath*

Starting Weight: 257.2
Week 1: -2.6lbs = 254.6

My sister also suggested that I do before and after pictures.  Well, I won't be posting a picture of myself every week...I told you I'm not a fan of pictures of myself.  But, maybe I will after each goal...or every 10 pounds, or something like that.  In any case, my starting picture:

Ugh - well, the only way to improve this picture is to improve myself.  Let's do this.